dianyang.blogspot.com

Abandoned

2011-12-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure if words have abandoned me, or if it's the other way around.

Sometimes

2011-10-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we need to remember why we're doing something.

Sometimes, we need to reminded why we stopped doing something.

Sometimes, we need to be pushed.

And sometimes, we need to be inspired.

Academic Excellence

2011-10-17T23:51:00.002+08:00

I don't think that the pursuit of academic excellence is a meaningless endeavor, given that one chooses it.

There is definitely something really wrong with the current education system. It is herding everyone towards the same "mass-produced" goal. I look at the highly-competitive environment we have all been thrown into, and I can't help but question the supposed "merits of meritocracy".

Shouldn't we all get to choose what goals we aspire to? While the education system doesn't take away the choice entirely, it does obscure it to the extent that so many are not even aware of it.

Our peers, and the larger society, tend to judge us by a yardstick that is rather etched into the proverbial stone (Grades, wealth, fame, etc.). To seek this form of external validation is not only futile, but also a dangerous trap. To be successful by Their standard would mean being forever dependent on external events for happiness.

It also implies that what amounts to success is an arbitrary consensus of majority, subject to change at the whim and fancy of society. (Again, fame and fortune seem to be pretty popular choices among societies across the ages.) There would be no freedom.

We should all learn to judge ourselves by our own standards. Pursue our personal interests. Learn only that which we thirst for.

I hope people will realize that there is such a choice.

And that they will embrace it.

What does success mean to YOU?

Soul-searching

2011-10-12T23:05:00.003+08:00

Where do people go to do a little soul-searching?

the Fantasies

2011-10-02T08:25:00.003+08:00

I'm currently reading "the Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. There's this chapter on the healthiness of depression which I thought was quite a fascinating concept. He described a series of crises in life, each corresponding to the giving up of certain desires and attitudes.

I've always thought of my own identity as being made up of a few unchanging principles. Perhaps that's not really true, and these principles in fact do evolve over time. Here are some examples he gave.

The fantasy of omnipotence. The omnipotentiality of adolescence. The "freedom" of uncommitment. The agility of youth. The fantasy of immortality. And, ultimately, the self and life itself.

Pigeon Holes

2011-09-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

Not really making any progress in figuring out where to start my career.

There's this nagging feeling that I'm being pigeon-holed into certain sectors simply because of my degrees.

That shouldn't be the way.

the Impossible Puzzle

2011-09-20T22:43:00.001+08:00

It's almost impossible to truly know someone. We only get glimpses of what another's life is like during the relatively brief moments we spend together. You might think that you know your friend really well, but what is he like when he's at home? Or when he's alone? What about your parents? Do you know what they are like at work?

It's like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle while still missing some pieces. Only when you gather enough pieces are you be able to piece together an idea of what the whole might be. Close enough to the real thing, but not quite either.

We do, however, possess all the pieces belonging to one person, and that's ourselves. Even so, how many of us truly understand ourselves?

Personally, it's an impossible puzzle.

Library

2011-09-15T23:09:00.002+08:00

Had quite a lot of time to kill today so I hanged out at the school library.

Couldn't help picking a few magazines and a few books off the shelves while I was there. Borrowed two books before I left.

It seems like an awful shame that so few people actually borrow or even browse through all those books there. Most of them are just revising or doing their tutorials.

One time only.

2011-09-13T00:16:00.001+08:00

We only get one shot at Life.

Life is short.

Live your life to the fullest.

Live your dreams.

Put enough cliches together, and one often gets a sobering wake up call.

When you get only one chance at something, you want to make sure you make it count. You want to be the best you can. You want to do everything you've ever wanted, be it visiting the pyramids or climbing mountains.

Only then would you have lived without any regrets. Only then would you have lived.

Are you settling for a less-than-perfect job? A less-than-perfect relationship? A less-than-perfect life?

Are you just going with the crowd, knowing full well that isn't the path you truly want to take?

We succumb easily to the "constraints" of reality, practicality, and routine. It would be naive to deny that these "constraints" hold any power over us. Their hold on us is strong, and firm.

But they're also artificial.

It's not easy being true to yourself. But, Don't Stop Believin'.

Happy Things

2011-09-06T22:03:00.001+08:00

When I look back on my posts, I don't always recognise them. More often than not, I find myself thinking...

"I wrote THAT?!"

In both good and bad ways I guess. Sometimes it's hard to believe that I was once seventeen.

I'm feeling a lot better these couple of days. Have been waking at 8am and exercising for the past consecutive days. It hasn't been easy, but I'm hoping to turn it into a habit. I've also made certain personal resolutions which I think I might finally be able to achieve. My attitude towards my studies has somewhat shifted, and I now find myself with quite a fair amount of personal time to read and think.

I'm still trying to find out what makes me happy. It's a deceptively simple question, but I must confess to being stumped. Games and tv drama provide pleasure while I'm engaged in them, but fade quickly once concluded and I "crash". Like retail therapy, they are limited to the short-term.

I've started watching a new drama recently, titled "Alphas". As a Youtube user aptly aptly described, it's kind of like Heroes meets CSI. I went through 8 episodes in just a couple of days. I think I should stay away from this sort of "chain-watching".

What about reading? Well, my relationship with books is...complicated. I derive some sort of satisfaction in reading them, especially when I come across interesting ideas. But I don't think I like reading. It's not something I would crave, or be eager to pursue in my free time.

What I do like, however, is spending some quiet nights at the library. Not exactly a hobby.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier now doing another course. Like literature. Or philosophy. Don't we all wonder about the what-ifs?

What if my life had turned out differently? What if I had done that? What if I finally owned that?

I think we all like to think that in all the above scenarios, we would be happier. But if I'm completely honest with myself, I think that's not necessarily true.

There's nothing really which I'm really crazy about. Not chess, or speedcubing, as some people might think. Not reading either. Or photography.

I've struggled for a long time with finding an activity which I can find joy and meaning in doing. Some sort of hobby.

I've stopped struggling. It's something I merely keep at the back of my mind these days. Every now and then, I consciously remind myself of the things I'm grateful about.

Thankfully, it's a long list.

Masquerade

2011-09-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

When I look back at my Europe trip, one of the things I miss most is watching the Phantom of the Opera. It's hard to describe how soulful the experience was.

I was on my way back from the airport just now, listening to the soundtrack by the original cast(not the movie version with Gerald Butler), when my wireless headphones ran out of juice. It was like being rudely yanked back to reality.

And just like that, the masquerade ended.

Escapism

2011-08-17T00:02:00.006+08:00

I've been back for about three weeks now. I'm glad to be back, but at the same time I feel like I've lost something. It's amazing how quickly I've fallen back to old habits, and now it seems almost like I've never left. When I was travelling in Europe, and free from any sort of routine, I'd felt this deep sense of inner peace. It anchored me, but now it's gone.

We don't always get to leave like that. What we do get, are brief windows through which we escape momentarily from the clutches of reality. Works of fiction, movies and TV drama, dreams. It's easy to get hooked and lost in them. If you look past the health issues, they're not that different from drugs and alcohol.

Sometimes it's not so much reality that we are trying to escape, but rather Time itself.

Sometimes, reality simply isn't quite enough.

On Being Too Comfortable

2011-07-19T02:54:00.003+08:00

One powerful advantage which a blog has over a collection of articles is its chronological order. I know it must seem like I'm stating the painfully obvious, but I've only recently started to appreciate the beauty of a blog. It provides insights into what kind of thoughts I was having at which periods of my life.

At this point in my life, I am feeling deeply contented and at peace with my current life. It is empowering beyond anything I've ever felt.

At the same time, being too comfortable with the status quo can be a trap. I have a tendency to be arrogant and full of myself. Note to self: Watch out.

9 more days to home. It's been too long.

Inward, and Within

2011-05-25T16:19:00.008+08:00

While my stay in Barcelona is drawing to an end, I still have about two more months of dedicated travel left. One door closes, and another opens.

Coming on exchange, I had a few goals in mind to achieve. It wasn't the case that I had set them consciously, and collectively they amounted to hardly more than a mere inkling of ideas. Penning them down on this virtual page, however, seems to have given birth to their reality.

Experiment with minimalism.
Travel and see the world.
Find myself.

It seems that a summary and reflection of these "goals" are a little premature, given that the journey isn't quite yet complete. So perhaps, this post will serve the purpose of being an update instead.

Minimalism

I have brought everything for this seven months experience in a 28L backpack. I have only two pair of pants, and I often sleep in my jeans. It's quite amazing how comfortably one can survive with so little. In fact, I'm convinced that I have brought too much for this trip.

It's a liberating realization.

Travel

Travel has been invigorating, like waking up to a new world. The places I've visited have not been as memorable as I'd like, and it leaves me questioning my personal purpose of travel. I'm not a collector, picking up souvenirs and meaningless photos of me posing beside famous landmarks. I have no desire to prove that I have been to anywhere; travel isn't about amassing trophies.

What is it about then? An opportunity for a photo shoot? A chance to experience different cultures? (Again, I must stress here that I'm talking about the search for my own personal purpose for travel. I believe people often travel for a huge variety of reasons. )

The only possible answer I have come up with is that it a means to an end. Travel is a way to find myself.

Finding Myself

The fact that "finding myself" sounds cheesy, lame, and cliche all at the same time does not escape me at all. And yet, there is no denying its importance to me.

I wonder if this might be somewhat of a "mid-life crisis". If assured of its certainty, I'd rather it come to me earlier in life. Perhaps to find oneself, one must first lose oneself.

I have often contemplated the ingredients of a meaningful life. I'm sure that there exists no universal recipe for this, but rather one must concoct one's own cocktail. So what of my own? Fame and material wealth are out. Not even happiness or relationships.

I once thought that happiness ought to be the purpose of life. But like wiser men have said, the pursuit of happiness by itself is hollow for happiness is a by-product. It's perhaps the world's oldest Catch-22. And yet, most of us, for most of our lives, seek pleasure in its various forms. We crave and scramble after it like it's a source of sustenance. It's not.

If happiness is overrated, what else is there to live for?

I believe there are things more fulfilling than happiness. Like being true to oneself, in every action and thought. I have no clear answers yet, but somehow I am filled with an irrefutable conviction that I will find the answers I so desperately crave and seek.

It must lie inwards, and within. Somewhere.

Three Realities

2011-03-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

I'm in Barcelona again now, sitting in school. I just got back from Mallorca.

This is a weird period of time for me indeed. It's like I'm living in multiple realities at the same time. The reality here, my life back home, and the worlds in the novels I have been reading. Each of them exerts a certain amount of pull on me. It's complicated and confusing.

I finished re-reading 'the Name of the Wind' by Patrick Rothfuss just a few steps away from my apartment. It was every bit as beautiful as my memory of it. Now the sequel is out, and I'm so tempted to purchase it off Amazon.

I know I'll never abandon this blog, but I do wonder what will become of it.

Meeting Strangers

2011-01-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

This morning as I was walking to school, I suddenly recalled a moment of a dream I had last night. You know how it is, some random smell/thing/action triggers something at the back of your mind and then you realise omg that was in my dream! You then try grabbing at the straws of what little you remember, but you'll seldom be able to piece the whole dream together.

In the dream, I met a eurasian guy. I think I recommended some book to him. I don't remember much else.

I can't help but wonder if he exists somewhere. How freaky would it be if "he" read this post and said...

"Hey I remember you! We met the other day...in your dream."

a Reflection on Paris

2011-01-17T06:46:00.003+08:00

Right now, I'm sitting on the top bunk of a double bed in a travel hostel(Buba House, Barcelona). It's 11.11pm, local time.

I've been uploading photos of my travels in Europe on Facebook. As I am browsing through my galleries, it strikes me all of a sudden that the photos are nothing more than a collection of desktop wallpapers. They do not tell a coherent story. I thought that perhaps it would be best if I were to supplement these photos with some sort of a commentary on this blog. In words.

This is for you my friends. Well, more for you, than for me at any rate.

Perhaps I should start with Paris, before the memory of it fades. Paris has often been called the City of Love. Take this bridge for instance. Many lovers lock a padlock onto its railings and toss the key into the river, as a symbol of their everlasting love.

The truth is however much less romantic. Space on the railings is hot "real estate", and the French government comes to bridges such as this every now and then to clip the locks off. So much for eternal love.

Beneath these dangling declarations of love, the beautiful archways of the stone bridges also serve ironically as shelter for the homeless and the lonely.

And that's exactly how Paris feels to me. A whole romanticized tale. I was there for only a week, so do take my personal opinion with a pinch of salt. Neither have I experienced the famed nightlife.

Note that what I'm suggesting here is that the idea of Paris has been largely romanticized, and not that it is devoid of romance. Paris is, with its cobbled streets and fascinating architecture, a truly beautiful place. But if it's the romantic elements you seek, aren't they right there in the most mundane and the most "everyday" of our every day?

The smell of coffee in the morning, and the evening strolls...

Let the Music Heal Your Soul

2011-01-15T22:48:00.003+08:00

It’s been a week in Europe. Religion seems to permeate every inch of it. It is in every painting, every sculpture, every church. I’m in Paris right now, and I just came back from the Notre Dame.

We arrived around the evening, and we stayed for one of the services. Standing amidst devout followers, as the blue-robed church choir sang, I couldn’t think of a better way to experience the high ceilings and beautiful architecture of the Notre Dame. Who gives a shit about the gargoyles.

I’ve never cared much for religion, but at that moment I could just imagine how...comforting it must be to be able to put your entire faith in a higher power.

2011-01-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

http://www.pdnphotooftheday.com/2010/07/5725
I get that these pictures probably have two possible interpretations. The subjects are either looking back fondly at good times, or possibly contemplating the lives they never had.

What scares me is the fact that the conclusion that I immediately came to was the latter.

It truly is my worst nightmare. To have grown old without living, not having dared to do what I wanted to.

"Don't you want to take a leap of faith? Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone."
-Saito, Inception

Closure

2010-12-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

It's seven minutes to 2011 as I am writing this. It's been a profound year. In 2010, I took one giant step closer to discovering how I wish to live my life. I wish every year from this moment onwards would be as fulfilling and enriching, if not more.

2011 is gonna be an exciting year.

And here it comes.

[Book Review] the Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith

2010-12-14T19:29:00.002+08:00

Warning: Contains spoilers.

It's crime novel written from the perspective of the murderer. In the story the protagonist, a chillingly calm and calculating psychopath, killed and stole his victim's identity.

For some reason, I found myself disturbed by the killer's psyche throughout the book, and I raced through it hoping that he would get caught.

The thing was, he got away from the two murders without any suspicion. Infuriating.

I don't think I liked the book very much. The language wasn't particularly good, and neither was the plot. Perhaps it's more the fault of the storytelling device; having the murderer revealed right from the start kills off a considerable amount of suspense.

But then again, the disadvantage of a classic whodunit would be a less comprehensive exploration of the killer's motivations and thought processes.

An unfortunate trade-off.

I'm not sure why the book made me felt so uncomfortable. I've loved antiheroes such as V in V for Vendetta and Hannibal Lector.

Think I'll stick with non-fiction for awhile.

A week and a little more to go before the conclusion of my exams.

And then Christmas.

Drop Everything

2010-11-21T20:11:00.000+08:00

The library loan quota has been doubled again.

"Drop Everything and Read."

I truly wish I could do just that.

Book Review: Better OFF: Flipping the Switch on Technology

2010-11-05T14:41:00.006+08:00

(Okay, so maybe this isn't really a book review, but more of a personal reflection on the themes of the book.)

This is a book written by Eric Brende, with the tagline "Two people, One year, Zero Watts".

It is a truly captivating read, not just in its words and content, but in the life it describes. Feeding yourself by the labors of your own hands, washing clothes with a hand-cranked washing machine, etc.

It certainly is a radical idea, to turn one's back on all the modern conveniences that technology has brought about. But as the author stresses repeatedly, it's not so much about eschewing Technology itself, but rather what's important is being selective about what and how much we use.

This concept of minimalistic living seems a little extreme, and somewhat against that of a modern digital nomad. This is an interesting time for me, trying to reconcile the differences in these two forms of minimalism.

It's like crafting your own philosophy, designing a way of life which works best for yourself.

I would like to be able to experiment with these ideas for myself. I can't help but wonder though, if the reasons holding me back now are valid. The slight hypocrisy of my belief in minimalism does not escape me either. (Especially having just bought a new camera.) I suppose, in my defense, I'm still playing around with some of the ideas.

Perhaps while overseas on exchange, the conditions will be somewhat more optimum. I am looking forward to traveling alone.

Again, it is truly an exciting stage in my life. The mind feels more contemplative and active than ever before. It's like I'm bursting with new thoughts and ideas constantly, a personal Renaissance.

Man's search for meaning and purpose is perhaps as old as Time. It's never-ending, and beautiful.

Jelly

2010-11-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

Got my mom to help me peel off a particularly stubborn packaging on a jelly. It was like being a kid all over again.

I am Thankful

2010-10-31T21:30:00.000+08:00

I am thankful for what I have.

I am thankful for my nurturing parents, and for having a complete family. I've learnt that not everyone is so lucky.

I am thankful for my education. I can't imagine what I would be without it. I am not sure if most of us realise how much our education has actually shaped us. Who we are today is not without the influence of each teacher we've had, each subject we've come into contact with.

I am thankful for not having to get into debt to pay for my university education.

I am thankful for my rather comfortable lifestyle.

I am not sure if I have done anything to deserve all this, but I am truly thankful.

For everything.

Changes in Perspective

2010-10-19T01:54:00.000+08:00

I feel myself being more and more drawn towards a more minimalist sort of lifestyle.

I want to travel and see the world.

I can't wait to graduate. Get a job. Be financially independent.

I can't wait for the future to arrive.

Ideals for Life

2010-10-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

The word "idealistic" has certain connotations associated with it. It conjures up a list of related words such as:

naive
simplistic
silly
impossible

There's nothing wrong with being idealistic, and in pursuing ideals. Be idealistic in your relationships, work and life. Never settle for anything less.

Think:
Possibilities
Perfection
Truth

Fireworks

2010-09-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

I've never really bothered with fireworks.

Just now I looked out of my window and was mesmerized by the brilliant display going on over at Chinese Gardens.

Beautiful.

Words on a Journey

2010-09-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

Have had about three weeks of school now. I'm starting to miss having more free time, just to read if nothing else.

I'm now a few pages into "A Year in the World" by Frances Mayes, and I must say I quite like it.

The preface opens with a quote from W.S. Merwin - "...we are words on a journey, not the inscriptions of settled people."

I am moved by it.

Must try to complete the book before it's due.

Back

2010-08-30T09:02:00.000+08:00

It's the first morning of a new semester, and I'm back in hall. It's exciting to be back.

I have a good feeling about this sem.

It looks like it's gonna rain.

Ghost Town

2010-08-26T19:57:00.000+08:00

It was a hot day.

I was on my way to the Queenstown Library to pick up a book(Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer). I have been trying to find it for awhile now, ever since re-watching the movie. It was SO GOOD. I know most people will probably disagree with me, but I personally think it's even better than Inception.

There. I've said it. It's better than Inception.

But before you go crying "BLASPHEMY!", let me just emphasize again that it is truly a matter of my own opinion. The film touched me more than I could imagine after re-watching it recently. Perhaps it's all the travel and "vagabonding" books I've been reading lately, but watching it again this time felt like it spoke to me at a deep and personal level.

Into the Wild tells the tale of young Christopher Johnson McCandles from a well-to-do family. In April 1992, he hitchiked to Alaska and wandered into the wilderness alone after giving $25,000 in savings to charity, abandoning his car and most of his possessions, and burning all the cash in his wallet.

I hope the norm applies to this book, in which the book usually turns out better than the movie.

I've never done this - Searching for a book I want via the NLB online catalog, then going to the library which has it. I've never been to the Queenstown library before either.

Queenstown is old and dated in a way you hardly get to see in Singapore these days. Treading on the crumbled pavement in the sweltering heat, it's not that hard to imagine it as a ghost town in the middle of a desert.

"Let the data set change your mindset."

2010-08-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

A very fascinating talk about data visualization.

It is clear to all the sheer amount of data available to us these days.

Not so long ago, a security consultant gathered names and profiles(with personal information such as emails and phone numbers) from 171 MILLION Facebook accounts and uploaded everything as a 2.8GB torrent file. That is a hell lot of data.

Then there's the Wolfram|Alpha initiative. I quote from the website:

Wolfram|Alpha's long-term goal is to make all systematic knowledge immediately computable and accessible to everyone. We aim to collect and curate all objective data; implement every known model, method, and algorithm; and make it possible to compute whatever can be computed about anything. Our goal is to build on the achievements of science and other systematizations of knowledge to provide a single source that can be relied on by everyone for definitive answers to factual queries.
Wolfram|Alpha aims to bring expert-level knowledge and capabilities to the broadest possible range of people—spanning all professions and education levels. Our goal is to accept completely free-form input, and to serve as a knowledge engine that generates powerful results and presents them with maximum clarity.
Wolfram|Alpha is an ambitious, long-term intellectual endeavor that we intend will deliver increasing capabilities over the years and decades to come. With a world-class team and participation from top outside experts in countless fields, our goal is to create something that will stand as a major milestone of 21st century intellectual achievement..

Even Tweets can be harvested for data. Check out fflick. It crawls through tweets to search for those with movie titles, and come up with a score for movies. You can also see what your friends are saying about certain movies. Pretty neat idea.

And I guess everyone knows about Google.

So back to the video. We are all suffering from information overload, and I believe that new and creative ways of organising and presenting data is needed. I have always been interested in the potential lying within huge data sets. Perhaps the way to go isn't so much as to crunch the numbers and run regression models, but to simply present the data in a more elegant fashion, thereby allowing relationships and inferences to be drawn.

To my evil clone of the same name somewhere out there

2010-08-06T12:53:00.001+08:00

Oh I'm back here again. This time, to rant.

Clearly my name isn't as unique as I had previously thought. Here I am trying to create a Twitter account with the username "dianyang", but I can't.
'Cuz it's already taken. Even "gohdy" is taken. I mean come' on, seriously?! It's not exactly Tom, Dick and Dianyang out there.

Well if YOU are reading this, I just wanna let you know that I got "dianyang.blogspot.com" before you. So there.

Orange TicTacs

2010-08-06T12:41:00.002+08:00

My workplace smells of orange TicTacs in the mornings. On most days, it's pretty refreshing. On others, it's so strong it causes my nose to scrunch up.

Today is one of those "scrunch up days". It also happens to be National Day Celebrations.

Everywhere I went, I saw red. The school kids I passed on the streets, my fellow colleagues. Me? I'm wearing a dark deconstruction of an assasinated president.

(from Threadless.com)

There was a little celebration at the office, during which we sang the national anthem and recited the pledge. This was followed by the playing of 2 nationalistic videos, some mini contests, and then food. I felt like a little boy back in secondary school. Even now, my narration seems to have degenerated to that from those early, more innocent time. (Today is National Day. I wore a red shirt to school. We recited the pledge and sat down to watch the performances. Then there was community singing...)

Next week I'll be leaving this place after a two months stint. Though I didn't interact with them much, my colleagues are truly some of the most sincere and kindest people I've ever met. I think I'll miss them for awhile.

Them, and the smell of orange TicTacs.

DON'T PANIC!!!

2010-08-05T09:56:00.001+08:00

No, you haven't been redirected to some virus/spam/phisher/"Oprah pills" website. It's just a new layout.

It's still the same me! I swear!

I finally decided to go for a simpler layout, with everything on a single page instead of having all the messy buttons at the side like before. "Simple" is pretty subjective actually, and you may not agree with this, but I think it'll work for me.

I quite enjoyed redo-ing the layout, even though it didn't take very long. For some reason, it gave me a sweet sense of relief.

The end of the holidays is drawing near, and I can feel it. Can you?

p.s. Well there's no more tagboard anymore, so please start using the comments if you wanna say something from now on. Would love to read something from you guys every now and then, just to know who still drops by. Cheers.

All that We See or Seem

2010-07-24T11:33:00.003+08:00

Inception is awesome.

I love DiCaprio, Wantanabe, the "I-jump-you-jump" scene, the ending. Everything.

The only complaint I have is that there was hardly any character development for the rest of the cast. For instance, I'm surprised that Ellen Page, the rising star from Juno, had taken up this role. In the film, it seems to me that she was nothing more than a mere narrator which served only to grease the plot forward.

But still, I guess in the same way that you can't pack your entire house into a suitcase, you can't cram such an ambitious epic idea into two and a half hours(Or into this tiny little mind for that matter.) without leaving out certain stuff.

Kudos to Christopher Nolan. Again.

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allan Poe

Work, Porn, and Creepy Clowns

2010-07-09T16:17:00.003+08:00

Hi guys.

I'm blogging from my workplace.

*alt+tab*

*alt+tab*

Secretly.

OH LOOK OUT! *ALT+TAB!!!*

...

...

...

*alt+tab*

Coast is clear.

There's nothing to do, and yet I have to look busy. I'm bored out of my mind and have just about exhausted every interesting website on the internet, leaving out only those with pornographic content.

Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from boredom.

If you have any interesting sites to share, PLEASE leave a comment.

I was looking at the Burger King ad on the train. A $5.30 tall cappucino vs $4.95 BK A4dables meal, with the caption "LESS BUCK MORE KICK". I thought it was a good ad. A novel tatic with factual comparison in contrast to the usual best-burger-in-town kind of empty boasts.

It's also fun to see how recent ads in the fast food industry have veiled "friendly jabs" at each other. Here you see an example of Carl's Jr squashing that creepy clown from Macs. Now that's what I call well-done.

I'm not sure these two ads can be considered a trend, but I sure look forward to seeing more of such good-spirited ads. They're humourous, and refreshing.

Oh by the way, this marks my 504th post.

It's been awhile.

Articles of Association

2010-07-01T21:57:00.002+08:00

I'm the last person who knows anything about fashion. Like Alan says, whenever I comment on how ugly a shirt is, its wearer should consider it as an affirmation of his good taste.

It's a huge and fickle industry; styles change along with the seasons. If each article we don is an expression of self, then fashion certainly seems to be dangerously schizophrenic. And if we were to take the idea of clothing as self-expression a little further, then most people would be guilty of allowing themselves to be defined by the crowd.

I'm not any less guilty, just in a different way. I let my mom buy my clothes.

a Whole New World

2010-07-01T20:13:00.003+08:00

I'm reading the Four Hour Workweek by Tim Feriss, and I'm SO very glad I bought it. It's like...discovering the Bible. I don't think I exaggerate when I say that in this book, I've glimpsed the vague shape of the answers to some of my "bigger" personal questions.

I am very excited.

By the way, have you ever noticed how often people apologize for sneezing, but seldom do they do the same when they get into a coughing fit?

Round and Round

2010-06-20T23:48:00.002+08:00

In a dictionary, each word is defined by a combination of others. That's kind of like a variation of circular logic, when you think about it.

Language's irrational in that way, as I can be at times.

Morning Rides

2010-06-17T21:33:00.003+08:00

Work has been okay so far I guess. Colleagues are really friendly and helpful, but honestly I feel like I'm not learning much.

The morning trains are always packed. People struggle to get on, and then off. You can almost always tell when someone wants to alight, even before the train arrives at the station.

Their desperate eyes scream "LET ME OUT."

Me? I don't have such problems. Everyone gets off at my stop.

Another thing about morning train rides is the unusual silence. Nobody talks. It's like being trapped in a tomb, and when you think about how emergency exits are missing entirely from our MRT trains, it's not that hard to imagine.

I got a feeling

2010-06-11T01:33:00.004+08:00

Today is a good day. One of the best I've had in awhile.

I got into the specialization I want(Actuarial Science), AND I got a job! My first real job actually. An internship at ACRA.

Then there's Val's band concert, and meeting Shu Chuan there. A pleasant surprise indeed!

I feel like I've been lost for awhile. But now it's like things are finally falling in place, and I think I know where I'm heading.

It's been a great day. One of the best I've had in awhile.

Time to sleep. Really tired now.

Rain

2010-06-05T00:14:00.010+08:00

Rain
There was a storm that came and passed.
I walked down a road in the aftermath,
A single aisle of concrete...
...alongside a single aisle of trees.

The wind blew,
and the leaves shivered
and the droplets fell.
Slowly.
And in that moment
It was like the rain had come again.

On the Cambodian trip...

It was good.

I got what I wanted, which was to see first-hand what life in a poor country was like. There's no doubting the herculean(Quite literally. Oh my, those amazing feats of strength!) effort we put in, but I can't help but wonder if we had contributed anything really at the end of the day. I managed to have quite a lot of fun too along the way, making a couple of new friends.

I would just like to mention here now that I am thankful for the things I have. The comfort. The people around me. This isn't a sudden revelation I gained from the trip, but more of an affirmation of a sentiment I've had for some time now.

Let's Get It Started

2010-05-13T14:12:00.003+08:00

Well exams are over, and holidays have begun in earnest. I'm flying for Cambodia for CIP next tuesday, so I've been trying to clear the library books I've borrowed.

Yesterday I finished Olympos by Dan Simmons, the sequel to Illium. I'm usually not much for the science fiction genre, but this was epic, bringing together vastly different worlds like Troy, Olympos, Mars and a futuristic Earth.

It's as awesome as it is thick.

I had a dream two nights ago, of diverse worlds impossibly melded into one. It's the first time ever I recall telling myself "This can't be real. It must be a dream." and then waking up from it. But it was real, in a different sense, being something I had read. I'm sure I'm not expressing myself properly in this regard, this sense of paradox which I felt.

"Today people of taste tell us that Renoir is a great eighteenth-century painter. But when they say this they forget Time, and that it took a great deal of time, even in the middle of the nineteenth century, for Renoir to be hailed as a great artist. To gain this sort of recognition, an original painter or an original writer follows the path of the occultist. His painting or his prose acts upon us like a course of treatment that is not always agreeable. When it is over, the practitioner says to us, "Now look." And at this point the world (which was not created once and for all, but as often as an original artist is born) appears utterly different from the one we knew, but perfectly clear. Women pass in the street, different from those we used to see, because they are Renoirs, the same Renoirs we once refused to see as women. The carriages are also Renoirs, and the water, and the sky: we want to go for a walk in a forest like the one that, when we first saw it, was anything but a forest — more like a tapestry, for instance, with innumerable shades of color but lacking precisely the colors appropriate to forests. Such is the new and perishable universe that has just been created. It will last until the next geological catastrophe unleashed by a new painter or writer with an original view of the world."

This quote, originally from Proust, describes the central idea in the book and is an elegant solution to resolve the impossible co-existence of incredibly diverging worlds. I think it's a fascinating notion, that worlds are born from geniuses.

Elitism and My Dream House

2010-04-04T02:09:00.011+08:00

Elitism and meritocracy have been buzzing around in the papers recently, and today I read a heart-felt article written by a "recovering Rafflesian". I couldn't agree with it more.

"Growing up this way, you lose perspective. You forget that you belong to a privileged minority, that in the real world there are those for whom a C grade (and not an S-paper distinction) represents the pinnacle of academic achievement - but who may be wiser in many ways than the academically gifted."

I think spending 2 years in the army, and being posted to a mono-intake company, did change my perspective a lot. I think many of us are simply too sheltered. Not pampered necessarily, but sheltered. Everything has come so easily to us, and we have made important decisions without deciding at all.

Most of us went to JC, and then to university, without even considering other paths. We just went with the crowd. And it is within this crowd that we are sheltered, with no inkling as to the going-ons and the paths that exist outside this group.

Stepping outside, changes perspectives forever. And I'm not saying here that I've seen all of it, but merely what I suspect to be the tip of the iceberg.

I like to dream about "living the life I wanna live" in the future; the nice house and carefree lifestyle. So it's scary to realize that the make or break for that future isn't that far away. Very soon enough, reality would have finally caught up, and then I'd know with certainty if I'm on track...or off. And if I'm off track, what then would I dream about..?

Exams are fast approaching and I have been doing the pre-examinations pigging out routine. Just to give an idea, I slept from 1am till 2pm, and my weight now is almost 65kg.

It was 60 not so long ago.

I have kind of given up on achieving academically. A first-class honors just seems so far away after the first semester's results, and this semester doesn't exactly inspire much hope either. The grades aren't that bad, but I guess what eats at me is the fact that I could be so much more.

Still, a man is what he amounts to, not what he could be. Potential is nothing if squandered away.

There was this NBS guy I met the other day during poker? He hasn't even graduated and he has a 9k starting job waiting for him at Deutsche bank. I am still in awe, and I guess Samuel wasn't that far off when he referred to him as a god.

I have always known myself to be ambitious, and that I lack the will to go with it. I honestly wish that I would procrastinate less, and be as driven to achieve my goals , no matter how small. I refuse to stay mortal.

I know this entry is rather disjointed and in fact contradictory in its parts, but it's 3am and these are simply words I'd like to get out of my head, incoherent as they may be.

Hardcore

2010-03-19T11:43:00.005+08:00

Walking back from NIE one late Friday night, around 11pm or so, I saw a lonely figure doing some soccer drills on the dark, artificial pitch.

That's hardcore.

I wanna be hardcore too, and I don't even care what I wanna be hardcore about. I'm envious, TERRIBLY envious, of those who have found passion in what they do. Drawing, gaming, playing instruments, basketball. Hell, it'd be cool to be hardcore in mugging.

I've been going through life trying to find something I really like. A constant to anchor me in the Sure there have been things that I enjoyed doing, but I guess I just never had the will to fully immerse myself in it.

Past few weeks have been hectic and crazy, like zigzagging through heavy oncoming traffic. Today it feels like Time suddenly slowed down and stopped for a red light.

The light's about to change soon though, and then I'll be off again.

19

2010-03-03T01:39:00.002+08:00

After talking to an old friend whom I haven't contacted in ages, I tried to come up with a list of the 20 Most Important People In My Life. These are the people who matter a lot to me, and/or have made a significant difference to my life and the way I turned out.

I have 19 now. And it's saddening to notice how many of them are no longer in my life.

19.

the Levitarian

2010-02-28T00:06:00.007+08:00

Once, I had a vivid dream of being able to fly.

And when I woke up, I "knew", with a curious sort of certainty, that I could levitate off the ground if only I concentrated hard enough.

I've been experiencing a similar kind of...faith, for the past two weeks, filled by a lift-me-off-the-ground happiness. Love comes to us in the most unexpected sorts of ways, at the most unexpected sorts of times; a culmination of events leading right up to it, each step small and uncertain, like that of a toddler learning to walk.

Though in this case I think I learnt how to fly before I could walk.

I wish I could go into more details, but that would make this post self-indulgent and oh-so-love-sappy.

Truly, some things are better left unsaid, especially when there's no longer a need to.

I hope I'll never wake from this.

22

2010-02-21T01:29:00.002+08:00

And just like that, I'm 22.

It's been a great week.

tgif

2010-02-12T22:02:00.003+08:00

It feels good to be home again, at last, on a Friday night. The last few weekends have been hectic, and I have spent precious little time at home.

Around evening time just now, I saw a couple of PRCs hanging out in hall, and I can't help but feel sad for them. I don't think I could possibly imagine how home-sick they must be.

Again, I am TRULY glad to be back home. TGIF, and I really mean it.

Cracks

2010-02-09T00:18:00.002+08:00

First the hairline fractures and the tiny cracks,
then the wall comes tumbling down.

(Busy)

2010-02-07T02:26:00.001+08:00

Busy busy BUSY week.

Hence the short post.

Bazinga!

2010-01-30T23:52:00.006+08:00

Preconception has always fascinated me. I like to give the example of Samuel's class photo.

Samuel has a photo on his desk, a classic snapshot of a group of ungainly primary school kids with their teacher. We tried to guess which one of them little Samuel was, but failed at every guess.

He was the teacher(temp) in the photo.

As with the case of the moonwalking bear, and Samuel's class photo, we went in with a preconceived notion. It is often this preconceived notion (more often than alcohol in my humble opinion) that causes impaired judgement. It is thus dangerous to enter almost anything with certain preconceptions/stereotypes. Be it when meeting new people, solving a problem, or even looking for love. At the end of the day, we're all after happiness, not some ideal. It ought to be as simple as that.

Having said all that, I think I should clarify that it's probably impossible to refrain from making the mistake even when we know about it. But by being aware of it, hopefully we'll be just that little bit more cautious.

Full Circle

2010-01-24T18:04:00.005+08:00

We had a primary school gathering last night. It's been 10 years, and it's amazing how little most of us seemed to have changed. At least from what little I could discern.

Quite a few of us are in NTU, especially NBS. It's almost like coming a full circle. Circles are considered sacred shapes in many religions and ancient civilizations. I too subscribe to the belief that such "full circles" are magical, and rich with hints of fate or destiny at work.

But of course, there are those who are going overseas, or in different Unis. Then it's interesting in their cases to note how different our lives turned out in spite of our similar points of origin.

I was a little reluctant to attend initially. I mean, it has been TEN years, or half a lifetime in our cases. "What on earth would we talk about?"

I suspect everyone who turned up had had similar fears. And I would like to salute everyone who had the courage to show up. The courage without which none of all this would have happened.

IH

2010-01-17T21:59:00.002+08:00

At last IH is finally over. Table tennis made it to the semis, cchess attained 2nd place.

I'm rather satisfied.

I wonder if sometimes humility can be more effective than a slap across the face.

a New Year, and Decade

2010-01-01T11:46:00.003+08:00

Happy new year everyone.

2010 seems to have crept up on me, and I find myself caught by surprise without an end-of-the-year post. Or any idea for what to put in it.

Perhaps before I go on, I should just say that I'm pretty disappointed over my results.

So back to 2009...

I guess entering university and this whole new phase of my life would be the singular and most defining "thing-that-happened". I must say I've thoroughly enjoyed it so far, and that it has turned out to be everything I thought university life should be like. Possibly even more.

I have no idea what 2010 will bring, but I'm excited to find out. So...surprise me.

Killing Time

2009-12-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

Every time I return, I feel inclined to begin by saying..."It's been a really long time since my last post."

This time, I shall just leave it at that.

I've been pretty bored the past few days. We've all heard the expression "killing time" but frankly as it turns out, time is pretty tough to slay. And when you have too much of it, it ends up killing you instead.

Leh Long! Leh Long!

2009-12-20T00:19:00.004+08:00

Couple of us started watching Big Bang Theory. I think certain parallels can be drawn between the drama and our current reality. Sometimes I wonder if that's how our lives will be like, if portrayed in a sitcom.

After walking around Kino with Alan, I've decided that my Christmas wish(If there ever were such a thing; I'm not sure.) shall be that every book would someday be sold at $1 a piece.

Lazy Post

2009-12-13T22:00:00.003+08:00

Night cycling with the hall people, and then NUS cchess invitational right after that. Suffice to say it's been crazy.

I just watched UP, and finally get what all the buzz had been about. It is a good movie. I'm particularly moved by the first part of the film, and I think it would've been good even if the film had ended there.

This is a lazy post.

Cake

2009-12-01T19:48:00.005+08:00

Looking back, I've never really considered how long each friendship would last. Perhaps I've always assumed(quite mistakenly in many cases) that they would all last forever. All part of youth and innocence I suppose.

I think these days, we know a little better. That out of sight, usually means out of mind. We look at each other and think, what will things be like in five years? Ten? We wonder who we'd be present at our graduations, our weddings, at all the major events of our lives. We wonder how long things will last, with a sort of certainty that it's not going to be "forever".

But then again, I'm heartened when I think about some of my closest friends. We may not meet each other or chat online often, but each time we meet up, we connect like it was yesterday.

Perhaps, being skeptical puts emphasis on maintaining friendships. It's tough being a cynic, a skeptic, a non-believer. Being naive and gullible, on the other hand, can sometimes be a gift.

We celebrated Alan's birthday last night. I was taking a video of the entire birthday song and cake cutting routine, all the while not realising that the memory card was full. There's a subtle sense of loss that the moment has been lost, and can never be captured again. It struck me then that each moment in life is exactly like that, and even the best HD video can only preserve that much.

Ten years later, where would we all be? I hope there'd at least still be cake then.

What now?

2009-11-27T21:33:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since my last entry. Almost a month now.

Exams came and went, just like that. What did I feel at the end of the last paper? Joy? Relief?

No not really. Perhaps...a sense of finality. Though technically, the journey has only just begun.

There's the looming question of "What now?"

I'm pretty sure I didn't do as well as I could have. Growing up, my parents have always instilled the idea in me that my studies should be the top priority. Ten years later, nothing much has changed, and I can't help but wonder if it should be the case.

If the whole point to getting good grades is to secure a good job, then when does it ever end? When one does get a good job, one works even harder to get promotions, high salaries and bonuses. I guess that's one of the reasons why people go through mid-life crises. The chase for that elusive "good life" is often down a slippery path.

The happiest man is the most easily contented man. And I guess the hardest thing to do is having to contend with that.

You're Timeless to Me~

2009-10-25T09:29:00.007+08:00

I love my watch. A gift from my parents for my 21st birthday. It's a black, automatic timepiece, which means it winds itself when you wear it around.

Batteries not included, and not needed.

Having said that, it also means that it'll simply stop ticking if you don't wear it often enough. And during the long break before uni started, and I spent days at a stretch at home, time often stood still. Even if it was just for me.

These days, in stark contrast, time seems to be going too fast. There are the looming exams of course, but frankly I'm more concerned about all the good stuff. Cheesy as it sounds, part of me fears that everything would be behind me before I knew it. I am having a good time, and I'm not asking that time stops for me, but just to slow down a little...and let me catch up.

Here's something I came across on Facebook (Everything seems to be coming from Facebook anyway these days.) yesterday. My favourite part is in bold. And that's not just cuz of the recent poker games.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

Adrift

2009-10-23T23:31:00.003+08:00

These two weeks were supposed to be pretty crazy, but somehow I've managed to keep afloat. I guess there's a small victory that could be said about that.

Lanterns

2009-10-02T01:11:00.001+08:00

A little jog, and a thousand lanterns.

Means and Ends

2009-09-21T20:33:00.005+08:00

How many Septembers has it been since Green Day first started going "Wake me up...when September ends"? The phrase feels over-used.

Perhaps we've all been abusing the snooze function a little too much, for a little too long.

September's coming to an end once again...

...Wake up.

Falling Slowly

2009-09-09T16:54:00.004+08:00

Life was previously a flat-line of mundanity, punctuated by occasional pulses. It has since then melted into this sticky mess of events and seemingly never-ending string of deadlines. One feels like a falling leaf, fluttering helplessly in the wind.

The wind keeps blowing.

And I keep falling.

the Fisherman's Friend

2009-09-03T20:30:00.002+08:00

When will the coughing ever end?
I'll be
the Fisherman
If you'll be my friend.

Ribbons.

2009-08-24T14:47:00.004+08:00

I thought this Yellow Ribbon Project ad was pretty interesting. Sorry it's kind of small, couldn't find a bigger one. I believe it says something along the line of "Help remove the label of prejudice." If you think about it, it's making use of one stereotype(that ex-offenders tend to have tattoos, or that people with tattoos are usually up to no good), to try and remove another stereotype(that ex-offenders don't make good employees).

On a side note, I have more or less settled in, both physically and emotionally. I think I'm gonna enjoy this.

Oh, tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree~

Just a little.

2009-08-16T00:42:00.002+08:00

Hall 13 FOC came and went, then the first week of school. It's been an explosion of new happenings, a flurry of excitement. And yet through all that, I feel...a little empty.

Just a little.

Run

2009-07-28T21:44:00.000+08:00

I just got home from a run. I would like to say that I don't think I've ever been this burnt out, but of course that's probably not true, considering all those times I've said that.The present moment can sometimes be so overwhelming it's hard to ignore.

the Future

2009-07-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

I think it's a shame that most of us probably won't get to live to see the 22nd century.

Moved by Movies

2009-07-23T02:22:00.019+08:00

Today, I watched the sixth installment of the Harry Potter movies. I rather enjoyed myself, not to say that it was a good(or bad) movie. I think we all relate to films, books, perhaps everything in our own way. You might not derive much pleasure from an excellent(in terms of the actors, cinematography, punch lines, etc) comedy because comedy's just not your thing. Conversely you might just fall hopelessly in love with a chick flick, and not even a good one while we're at that, simply because of something in the film which connected with you. Might have been the hot babe too I suppose.

Wait.

Did I just entertain even the possibility of a good chick flick? Now that's an oxymoron for you.

But you see, the point of an entertainment industry, which is so aptly named, is to entertain! Most of us aren't movie "academics" that study and analyse films. Sure, "Babel" won lots of awards, and I thought it was a good film, but it sure was boring as hell.

Each film has its own meaning to each of us. And in return, we each have a different rating for each film.

I liked how Alan Rickman finally got more lines, and his portrayal of Snape as he took the Unbreakable Vow. I've said this before, and I will say it again, Snape is an AMAZING character with lots of character depth and is my favourite character from the book. This bias probably did colour my perception of the film a little, but then that's exactly what I've been trying to explain.

I liked the scene in which the camera was circling the castle turrets in this dark and cloudy night and we see Ron and Lavender "snogging" in one tower while Malfoy was standing at the balcony. Just staring at the skies.

I liked the ending when Dumbledore conjured swirling flames around him and Harry, and I don't even know why.

Before this starts sounding too one-sided, let me just clarify and say that OF COURSE there were many scenes that were cheesy and predictable. People DIG that stuff.

There was this school girl sitting next to me who provided unwanted annotations throughout the film as she "explained" to her friend what was happening on screen.

"HUH. Slughorn should have given [Hermione] 20 points for that."

"HUH. 'This diary belongs to the Half-Blood Prince' should have been at the back of the potions book, not at the front."

Seriously. Times like this are when the infamous trio of letters "W.T.F" involuntarily pops into mind like a comic speech balloon, as though on a cue.

Well I happen to know a thing or two about the Harry Potter series and I know EXACTLY what Snape would have called her.

"An insufferable know-it-all."

Death of A Superhero...

2009-07-20T00:14:00.003+08:00

...by Anthony McGarten.

Donald Delpe is fourteen years old and dying of leukemia. He's desperate to lose his virginity, does drugs, and draws his own comic book. The story explores the relationship between him and his psychologist, Dr King, as well as the theme of dying. Not death itself, but that of dying as a process. King tries to get Donald to fight for his life, but in the process it's Donald who shows King what it means to truly live.

It's an old plot that has been reused, recycled, but not reduced.

I especially like the way the book is written like a novel, script and comic all rolled into one. Strangely, it feels like this book was personalised for me. I would be extremely proud if I could come up with something similar myself.

Harry Potter and Me

2009-07-18T23:18:00.002+08:00

I've never been a fan of Harry Potter films, but after watching Prisoner of Azkaban again on Chn 5 just now, I'm reminded just what a special world Rowling has created in the telling of her epic tale.

I'm glad it happened.

Lazarus

2009-07-15T23:19:00.004+08:00

"The Lazarus Project" by Aleksandar Hemon is just wonderful. It's about a modern-day writer who retraces the steps of a certain Lazarus Averbuch to better understand his mysterious death. (With a name like Lazarus, I think you can suspect where the plot might be heading.) The book progresses along the two story-lines simultaneously. The content is rich, and the language creative.

Wonderful.

(Check out the website here. Photographs coupled with excerpts from the book.)

Doubt

2009-07-11T20:21:00.003+08:00

I watched the movie "Doubt" today. I think it's a pretty good film, and that while the conclusion was frustratingly inconclusive and vague, that in itself ties the whole theme of the film together beautifully.

# SPOILER: Just as he did with the play, John Patrick Shanley only told the actor who played Father Flynn whether or not Flynn was guilty. None of the other actors knew.

Weather the Weather

2009-07-10T18:46:00.002+08:00

Today's weather can be likened to a sputtering hose. It's been vaguely irritating.

Bedtime Stories

2009-07-07T01:39:00.002+08:00

It's 1:42am. I'm not usually up this late, though there was a time when I considered 1am to be too early for bedtime.

I've just finished reading Map of the Invisible World by Tash Aw. It's a relatively new book I think, and thus it was pretty amazing that I had managed to come across it(quite accidentally too) at the library. It was in mint condition...A rare gem.

Truth be told, I had only picked it up for no other reason than the fact it seemed to be a popular bestseller. Now that I am done with it, I'm glad that I did pick it up.

I think the story just flows beautifully. And it ended with a happy ending, along with a tinge of dark uncertainty in an 'epilogu-ish' way. Just the way I like it.

It's been a long time since I stayed up to finish a book.

Twin Journeys

2009-07-06T23:43:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how a good book can so dramatically shorten a journey, while being in itself another journey of sorts.

Small Small World

2009-07-06T00:16:00.003+08:00

Sometimes the world is so tiny it's kind of creepy, the way you just bump into the most unexpected people at the most unexpected times and at the most unexpected places. Are there really no coincidences, but only the mere illusion of coincidences?

It's definitely been too long. I had fun today.

How often do we get to say that?

a Chocolate Bar

2009-06-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

I just watched the movie 21 Grams. Didn't like it very much until the end.

[last lines]
Paul Rivers: How many lives do we live? How many times do we die? They say we all lose 21 grams... at the exact moment of our death. Everyone. And how much fits into 21 grams? How much is lost? When do we lose 21 grams? How much goes with them? How much is gained? How much is gained? Twenty-one grams. The weight of a stack of five nickels. The weight of a hummingbird. A chocolate bar. How much did 21 grams weigh?

Hmmm.

For All Time

2009-06-26T23:50:00.003+08:00

I think sometimes we forget how unpredictable life can be, and how nobody lives forever.

Not even the King of Pop.

I'm not a big fan, but still his death is not without impact, even on a personal level. I mean, it's the death of an ICON.

I think it's lamentable that the way an icon becomes truly immortalised is paradoxically by dying.

Pisces

2009-06-25T19:41:00.004+08:00

I went swimming today. It's been AGES since my last visit to the pool. I didn't own a pair of prescription goggles till recently, and having to walk around half-blind before wasn't exactly an appealing notion.

Truth is, while I've never been a strong swimmer, I still like being in the water. The water's coolness is always calming, and underwater everything is a sort muffled serenity.

When I swim, there are pretty refractions of light on the bottom of the pool, moving with the ripples and mini-waves.

It's good to be back. Even though I suffered cramps in both legs while swimming.

Eternal Emptiness

2009-06-23T20:07:00.002+08:00

A foolish word, bygone.
How so then, gone?
Gone, to sheer Nothing, past with null made one!
What matters creative endless toil,
When, at a snatch, oblivion ends the coil?
'It is bygone' - How shall this riddle run?
As good as if things never had begun,
Yet circle back, existence to possess:
I'd rather have Eternal Emptiness.

The above is an excerpt from Faust, which I came across when it was quoted in the book "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder. It seems to tie in with my previous post.

Anyway, the book is beautiful. I think anyone and everyone should read it if given the chance.

the Pursuit of Happiness

2009-06-15T23:09:00.011+08:00

Okay I'm back from Bali. It's good to be back home in some ways. The familiarity, the internet access...In addition, the fact that I ran out of rupiahs on the last day made my return all the more a welcome.

In Bali, I...

1. Tried surfing for the first time. (Managed to stand up on the board a couple of times. Personally, I thought it was quite an accomplishment.)

2. Snorkeled for the first time. (Interesting but not all together a pleasurable experience.)

3. Went for a massage. (Not the sleazy kind.)

Of course that's not all, but I think those were the highlights.

Life seems so much simpler, and slower, over there. To give you an idea, this lady at the hotel who was supposed to make us breakfast promptly fell asleep in a private corner after serving us tea, leaving us to wonder why it had to take more than half an hour to fix five scrambled eggs.

That's how relaxed they are.

Over there, if you like surfing, you could stay at the beach every day and loan out surfboards and give hour-long lessons for a fee. I mean, what an ideal lifestyle that would be, doing something you enjoy as a living! (No doubt reality is seldom as picturesque and that they probably have their own set of problems to deal with, no matter how trivial. Still...)

Over here, in stark comparison, how often do we get to do the things we like, or find a job that we don't resent. Well perhaps my phrasing is incorrect, for we do have the opportunities to do the things we want to do, it's just that precious few of us choose to.

Practicality and conformity can often be our own prisons.

It's always about grades, more money, and other things we don't really need.

I think there was a study few years back that showed people in less developed countries were happier compared to those in first-world countries. I think there's a lot of truth, and a lot of food for thought in that.

Have you ever wondered about what makes a "good life"? I'm not here talking about a life of luxuries, but rather one that meant something. Anything. What a horror it must be to realise on our deathbeds that we have squandered away our lives while living. To have not lived while living.

Would it be a good life if and because you found meaning in it? Does having a purpose necessarily equate to happiness? Is seeking happiness a purpose in itself?

Then there's the thing about significance. We are but tiny grains of sand which make up the beach that is the world, all to be eventually washed away by the tides of Time. I suppose it's entirely possible to have lived a good life and yet for that life to mean completely nothing in the grand scheme of things. If that's true, then...it couldn't have been that great a life now, would it?

Purpose, happiness, and meaning...

Perhaps a good life just isn't enough, and in the quest for meaning, most would probably end up sacrificing the "good" aspects of life. It's almost a paradoxical impossibility. I mean I get why John Nash struggled through his life to make a discovery so that his life would "mean something". (Well at least he did in the movie anyway.)

Even if one does make a difference with one's life, be it a scientific or humanitarian contribution...so what? Does that even...mean anything?

Do you get what I'm saying?

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2009-06-07T12:57:00.001+08:00

Off to Bali. Back on the 15th.

Friendly Neighborhood Dreams

2009-06-04T18:59:00.002+08:00

I dreamt last night about Spider-man fighting the Hulk. I can't remember if I was Spidey, you know how fuzzy dreams are once they evaporate. Anyway, halfway into the fight, I had the sudden urge to pee. The real-life dy-me, not the dream-spidey-me. It's one of those moments when you hover at the edges of Dreamland, knowing that it's all a dream and yet not wanting to wake from it. Alas, the call of nature was too powerful to be ignored, and I climbed out of bed reluctantly. When I got back to bed, there were no more dreams. At least none that I could remember.

They really should make a Pause/Play button or something for these things.

It's my second time dreaming of Spidey. The first was a nightmare(literally), but was also one of my best dreams. I was asleep(as Spidey) when Venom came crashing through the house, and I leapt out through the window. Then I started web-slinging. It was awesome.

It felt very real, with the wind rushing past me and the sensation of free-falling. In a way, it was more intense than anything I had ever felt awake. It's a little scary how powerful our imaginations can be sometimes.

Re-anything

2009-06-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I think that rewatching a movie is one of the few ways we can cheat Time and return briefly to our past. Revisiting a place, redoing something. Re-anything.

Perhaps there's more to be expounded on the subject, but perhaps now is not the time for it.

On Changes

2009-05-25T22:38:00.017+08:00

Do people change..? (An illogical part of me thinks such questions should be asked as a whisper, and nothing more. So, whisper I shall.)

If everything changes but change, surely people do change too? But then again, do they really? After all, a leopard never does change its spots.

I think it's like the problem of whether one is able to "jump into the same river twice". A matter of semantics, and of looking at different parts of the same whole.

What sort of changes are we looking at exactly?

To you, I may or may not have changed. But it is I, and I alone, who holds the keys to my own inner world. Hence, I am the only worthy judge here. I think when each of us looks inside, we will see that we have changed in certain ways. People mature, and grow, along with their various experiences, some of which are possibly life-changing. We are not immune to the effects of our experiences. It is near impossible to remain still in a sea of changes. To not change is to drown and die.

But in terms of the more...important things(Frustratingly, it's hard to be any more specific than this.), seldom do we change one bit. Deep down, haven't we always been the same? Aren't we still the same kid who derives incredible joy from a simple ice-cream, the same kid who needs attention and love, or the same kid who wants to be a superhero. Won't we always have feelings for those we've cared about? Most of the time, it's just a matter of...how deep.

We change, and we don't change. And we need to know just that.

Breakfast

2009-05-22T23:51:00.002+08:00

Perhaps there's nothing more mundane than eating a bowl of porridge, even if it's a delicious bowl of porridge. The constant texture, and the seemingly-never-ending depths within.

That was for breakfast.

Mr Wednesday

2009-05-20T16:00:00.027+08:00

I haven't always loved Wednesdays. For the most part of my life, I've remained pretty neutral, and non-judgemental, towards them. I suspect it wouldn't last, but for now I like them.

Today is a Wednesday.

I headed down to the Science Center, which is quite literally a mere stone's throw away. There was a Da Vinci exhibition going on, and I'd been meaning to go take a look.

It was fascinating. There were replicas of his famous paintings, as well as brought-to-life specimens of flying machines, weapons of war, etc described in his notebooks. They didn't allow any forms of photography, which was a shame. On the bright side, you could look at the pretty pictures on their website to get an idea of what's inside.

Here's the link.

When I came out, I headed over to the Omni-theatre to watch a documentary on Van Gogh. I hadn't been into the dome-shaped theatre since...an excursion in primary school unless I was mistaken. I don't remember the specifics of the first time my parents had brought me there, but I do remember how tiny I felt when I entered the theatre, and the awe of the HUGE screen. I remember the excitement as I was "falling into the screen".

Over ten years later and now standing at half a metre taller, I still felt that way. It's pretty amazing.

The documentary itself was a short 40mins, hardly worth the 8 bucks I paid. But then again, it was comforting like a trip back to my childhood. That, my friends, is truly priceless.

Personally, I thought the documentary was shot from an interesting angle, with Van Gogh narrating the story in first-person. Of course, the character's dialog might have been a little misleading as to what kind of person the enigmatic artist really was. In any case, I liked the way they visited the places that Van Gogh had painted, and as an audience we could make some sort of comparison and in a way see through his eyes.

There were less than twenty of us in the audience, three of which were monks who happened to sit behind me. Goodness, MONKS in the Omni-theatre. It was almost surreal. Now if you think monks are quiet, reserved and polite people like I did, you're clearly misinformed. They chattered on and off during the show, and one of their handphones even started ringing. (Some chanting ringtone. No kidding.)

The one thing that's worse than having someone near you talking during a show is not being able to even understand their language.

There was an exhibition right outside the theatre. Excerpts from Van Gogh's letters to his brother Theo alongside replicas of his paintings. From his letters one could clearly tell that he focused a lot on colours. There was this part in the film in which Van Gogh was struggling with his work, talking about how hard it was sometimes. He gave an example of trying to capture the colours of the olive trees. The silver, how it was more blue than green sometimes, or bronze. I don't know why, but I felt touched that scene moving.

Here's Starry, Starry Night made extra-Starry by my poor photography skills.

Afterwards, I left for lunch at MacDonalds. Now if you've ever been to that particular Macs, you'll know how it's perpetually filled with excitable and restless primary school kids. Kids who are screaming and talking loudly for no apparent reason, and who can't seem to keep their butts in their seats for two seconds. And speaking of butts, I was about to chew on a fry when this kid started scratching his ass right in from of me. It was a nightmare.

As I sat amidst the chaos, I was reminded vividly of why I had stopped going there to study during A's after my first brave attempt. I finished my McSpicy quickly and left hurriedly without finishing the fries and drink. I then wandered around aimlessly looking at the regular exhibitions before heading back for one last look at the Da Vinci exhibition.

Here's a pretty cool robot displaying the 3 Laws of Robotics from Isaac Asimov's I.Robot.

Around three thirty, I went home. It had been a superb day. A superb Wednesday.

Lost Dreams

2009-05-19T12:30:00.010+08:00

You know how it is when the sight of something, a certain smell, or even something you simply can't put your finger on, triggers off something in your head and in a flash, you suddenly remember a part of a dream you had last night?

Well, I can't help but wonder about all the dreams we never ever recall, and where they've gone.

It seems like an awful waste, and an awful shame.

To be or not to be.

2009-05-18T22:47:00.001+08:00

I think someone has said this before, and this feels like an appropriate time to restate it.

If there were an eighth sin, it would be procrastination.

Many Endings and a Respite

2009-05-17T21:50:00.006+08:00

And so, like all things will eventually, the various drama serials I've been watching have come to an end. While some will return in their next seasons, others will not.

-LOST
-Grey's Anatomy
-House
-Heroes
-Prison Break

I'm sure it's clear enough to anyone who watches drama that the happenings in the shows could only exist in the show. The incredible coincidences, the deux ex machinas, the predictability and the shocking twists alike. These do not belong in the realm of reality. But we look past all them, and even hanker for more. Like with a good book, the need to know the conclusion drives us all.

Nothing's more important than a satisfying ending. Not necessarily a "happily ever after", but a satisfying one no less.

Population Popularity

2009-05-10T23:20:00.003+08:00

I was at Popular today.

It's weird how they have a section called "Popular Fiction". I don't suppose the "popular" in this case refers to the name of the bookstore, or there would be "Popular Self-Help" and "Popular Non-Fiction" to give a few suggestions.

Now, if "popular" in this case was an adjective instead of a proper noun, it wouldn't make much sense either, again for the the lack of "Popular Self-Help" and such. AND, where would the unpopular fiction(which may actually contain gems of their own) be placed in this unfortunate scheme of things?

This leads me to think, that there might be some other definition for "popular" I'm not aware of.

Less Curioser and Less Curioser

2009-04-27T19:35:00.008+08:00

I arrived fifteen minutes too early to tutor this kid today, so I sat down on one of those benches at the void deck and read my book(1984, George Orwell) for awhile.

I looked up for a second and noticed a cat crawling underneath a car, presumably for the comfort of the shade. It was a hot day, and I'm not even the one covered all over in fur. It struck me suddenly that there doesn't seem to be too many stray cats around these days, as compared to say, 10 years ago.

I remember a couple of times, as a kid, when a cat would without any warning brush against my leg as I sat at a table at some coffee-shop. As it turned out, I usually jumped a few centimeters off my seat in surprise.

And to me, the incident far from being embarrassing would be both funny and exciting, for childhood made EVERYTHING a curiosity. Dinosaurs, the Milky Way, how birds fly and why their knees bend backwards... everything. (I would've included "why the sky is blue" but that would just be a cliche, and for the record I never really wondered about that, nor was I ever really interested in the answer.)

Looking at the world through a child's eyes was like looking into the funny mirrors; everything was innocently enchanting. I miss that a little. These days, there are still infinitely many things that I don't know or understand, but somehow I've accepted things for the way they are.

The world is now just another regular reflection. Curiosity might have killed the cats, but I think maybe it died along with them as well.

Weather the Weather

2009-04-25T20:32:00.002+08:00

I passed some volunteers collecting old newspapers on my way to buy lunch today. I couldn't help but wonder if there was some better way to capitalize on all that manpower. If the objective was to raise funds, I'm sure more money could be made elsewhere. If the objective was to raise awareness...Nvm, I don't really know where this is going. It was a partially-formed thought at best.

But hey, at least they're doing what they can. While I'm not.

The weather's been SO hot lately, and the winds howl and rattle my windows violently at night. It's a commonly known tactic - when out of things to say, talk about the weather.

I dreamed a dream.

2009-04-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

Every now and then a "good dream" comes along. It's quite amazing, waking up and feeling so happy even before consciousness starts settling in. The details of the dream are fuzzy at best, but the happiness lingers.

Nightmares on the other hand are vivid, and remains haunting even after having awoken. For a few years, I've had this recurring nightmare. It's always the same. I still remember the smell of that dream.

Oh, and I watched Handsome Suit with the guys from my ex-platoon. It was better than I had expected, which is an advantage of watching something you think would suck. The film was somewhat like the sequel to Beauty and the Beast. It had a predictable and linear plot, but hey everybody loves a happy ending.

The problem with "happily ever after" is the "ever" part. It's never easy to remain in status quo.

Mellow Marsh

2009-04-19T20:57:00.006+08:00

I went cycling at Pulau Ubin today. Haven't had this much time for a long time.

(Oh just in case you were wondering, I did take this while standing on water.)

Through the greenery.

Mellow marsh. I like this shot.

I'm really tired now, and my butt hurts just sitting here(on TWO cushions no less). Perhaps buns of steel could serve a higher purpose other than an aesthetic one.

Owww.

Hot Wheels Leading the Way~!

2009-04-12T20:33:00.004+08:00

At long last, my very own skateboard!

Now, all that's left is to learn how to skate.